Cookie Madness
by tigerwolfspellbear
Summary: An OC bakes for the pit.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own GI Joe and make no profits from this. Just a bit of fun!**

* * *

"Are you looking for someone Snake Eyes?" Lifeline asked when he saw Snake Eyes walk past the office.

*I heard Ghost was awake* signed Snake Eyes, after he came back to the door.

"Yes, she has been for a few hours. We let her go to her room to rest a little bit ago."

Snake Eyes sniffed. *You never let Tommy or me leave early.*

"Lets just call it a reward for good behavior while we had her under observation. God knows if we asked for either you or Storm Shadow to stay, you'd be gone as soon as we turned our backs. I don't suppose either of you would be so easy to keep out of trouble with just a ream of paper?"

*Paper? What would - oh. No, didn't learn origami while I was training and Tommy doesn't have the patience for it*

"Oh, the nurses and I were wondering what she was doing."

* * *

"Now don't burn down my kitchen!" said Roadblock while leaning back against a counter.

"Just because half the soldiers here can't cook and you've never seen me in the kitchen, doesn't mean I don't know how to cook. I have cooked in here before. Besides, teeechnically, it's not your kitchen," quipped Ghost.

"Fine, see if I ever fix you anything when you're in the infirmary again," puffed Roadblock. "I'm not leaving until I make sure you know what you are doing."

Ghost cocked her head to the right. "As you wish, _sir_." She started pulling out baking sheets and turned on the oven.

* * *

"Hey Jinx! How's my favorite ninjette?" asked Salt as he climbed out of the tomahawk.

"Not so great before, but now-"

"Is that a double chocolate cookie in your hand?!" Salt interrupted.

"Uhm... Yeah?"

"What's so important about a cookie? Get over here and help me unload," said Lift-Ticket.

"Those are Baby Girl's double chocolate cookies."

"So?"

"So, leave the gear! The damn things are sell your soul good!"

"Yo ninjas!" Salt shouted at Billy and Storm Shadow as he came around the tomahawk. "Baby Girl's baking cookies. You. Do. Not. want to miss out!

"Don't bother Salt. Tommy won't eat any," said Jinx as she pulled out another cookie.

"His loss. What about the kid?"

"He won't let Billy have any either."

"Wow, tough break."

"Mmmhmm." said Jinx as she bit into the cookie.

* * *

A black clad hand slid towards the bag of cookies. The kitchen and mess hall was packed, so Snake Eyes didn't think anyone would see him. He jerked his hand back suddenly as a shuriken appeared where his fingers had been headed.

"Snake Eyes, do you seriously think I would not give my favorite silent ninja any cookies?" Ghost said as she handed him two large bags full of cookies. "Make sure you share those with Scarlett."

*I heard from Kamakura that you were here. I thought you hated the kitchen* he signed one handed as he took the bags.

"I do. I like to remind my self that there are worse things than being in the infirmary... or having an appointment with Psyche Out. Word traveled fast. That's the last time I give cookies to young starving ninja apprentices or kitchen staff first."

"Baby Girl! You'd better have saved me some cookies," shouted Salt from the door.

"Yeah, I remember the last time you and General Bradford felt you got gypped." Ghost tossed a large bag of cookies over the crowd at Salt. "Make them last this time at least."

* * *

"And that's-"

There was a knock on the door to Hawk's office. Storm Shadow, Billy, and Hawk looked towards the door. Debriefings usually weren't interrupted.

"General Hawk, Sir!" came Duke's voice through the door. We seem to have a situation down in the mess hall. Something about fresh cookies and a possible riot. Flint and Beachhead are headed down there, but if there is rioting-"

Hawk opened the door, interrupting Duke. "Let's get this taken care of quickly then."

"Sir?" Billy asked, "Don't you want us to finish debriefing first?"

"No, I was warned by General Bradford that a certain kitchen hating ninja-"

"Kunoichi." Billy interrupted.

"Like I said," Hawk scowled, "is an excellent chef and is especially known for her aunt's famous cookies. I intend to get some of those cookies, son."

"How do _you_ know its Ghost down there making cookies?"

Hawk raised an eyebrow. "Do you think something like that is going to stay a secret here? Lets go."

As the four of them walked down the hallway, Storm Shadow trailed behind muttering curses about sugar crazed idiots.

* * *

Beachhead and Flint nearly crashed into Lifeline, Doc, and Psyche Out near the door to the mess hall.

"What the hell are you three doing here?" asked Beachhead.

"Doc and I heard Ghost was baking. I let her go early to get some rest, not to go bake! Ninjas!" Lifeline shouted.

"I also heard she was baking and wanted to observe. We all know she hates the kitchen. She avoids KP like the plague," said Psyche Out.

Flint opened the door, but didn't go in any further. Couldn't. The mess hall was completely full. Roadblock was blocking the kitchen door, Snake Eyes was beside him with his ninjato drawn. They moved aside to let out one of the kitchen staff, who was carrying a tray of cookies. She didn't get far as she was mobbed by multitudes of hands reaching for cookies. She retreated back through the door and Roadblock quickly stepped back in front.

"Ah, come on man, lets us through."

"Yeah! Let us have some cookies!"

"Cookies! Cookies! COOKIES! COOKIES!" the crowd started shouting.

"CLEAR A GAWDAMN PATH NOW, MAGGOTS!"

The crowd ignored Beachhead and continued chanting.

"AH SAID-"

"I think we're the only ones who are listening to you," said Flint.

"WHOEVER DOESN'T CLEAR A PATH RIGHT THIS GAWDAMN SECOND IS GONNA BE DOING PUSHUPS UNTIL THEIR ARMS FALL OFF!"

The crowd still ignored Beachhead. Flint closed the door just as Hawk came up behind them.

"Having any luck?" he asked.

"No Sir!" Beachhead, Flint, Doc, Lifeline, and Psyche Out all saluted.

"It's absolutely packed in there. Not even PT threats from Beachhead are moving them, Sir!" said Flint.

"I suspected as much."

Hawk opened the door, the chanting still going on. Storm Shadow winced at the noise. Hawk stepped into the thresh hold.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" he shouted as loud as he could.

The effect was immediate. The ones who heard Hawk stopped chanting, poked the ones in front of them, turned around, and saluted.

There was dead silence when Hawk asked again, "What. Is. Going. On. Here?"

"Uh, Ghost is making cookies, Sir," said someone from the middle of the crowd.

"And that's reason to mob the kitchen?"

"B-but, they are really good sir," stammered someone else.

"I want the mess hall cleared. Now!"

Everyone on the outside of the door stepped away from it. Five minutes later the mess hall was finally cleared except for the kitchen staff, Roadblock, Snake Eyes, and Ghost. Hawk walked in, followed by the rest. Snake Eyes sheathed his ninjato and they all saluted.

"At ease, soldiers."

Ghost stopped saluting & came out of the kitchen with plateful of cookies.

"Care for one, Sir?" she asked as she held up the plate towards Hawk.

"I'll take the whole plate."

"No need for that sir, I have a bag for you if you want."

"That will do then," Hawk said as he took a cookie from the plate.

Ghost offered the plate to Beachhead, Flint, and Duke next.

"We'll just take the plate back to our offices to share," said Beachhead.

"Nope, I have bags for each of you as well," Ghost said as they each took one. She went back into the kitchen & brought out some bags, which she handed to Hawk, Beachhead, Duke, & Flint.

"Wait a minute! Why does Flint get two bags?" asked Duke.

"One of them is for Lady Jaye. I haven't seen her yet. Pretty sure he will see her before I do."

"Damn straight! I ordered you to rest. In your room. Not this!" said an irate Lifeline as Ghost headed back into the kitchen. "You are going back into the infirmary!"

Ghost came back out with the plate & more bags. She held the plate out towards Lifeline, Doc, & Psyche Out.

"Don't think you can bribe your way out of this with a bag of cookies either," he said as he bit into a cookie. "Oh, these _are_ really good."

"How about two bags?" Ghost asked as she held them up.

"_Weeell_, I don't really need two."

"Ah'll take them," spoke up Beachhead.

"No, I will," said Duke.

"I'll take them, and I outrank you all," Hawk said.

"_Fine_, I'll take them, but I want you to go rest!" said Lifeline.

Ghost forked over the two bags to Lifeline, gave two to Doc, and another one to Hawk.

"I don't suppose I can bribe my way out of my next appointment with a bag of cookies, Psyche Out?" she asked.

"Of course not. I want to talk about this. What could possibly drive you into the kitchen when you avoid it so much?"

"How about two bags?"

"... Bribery will not work."

"Three?"

"Ghost."

"Cookies for life? And we'll skip every other appointment?"

"Fine, We will skip the next appointment for two bags."

"Thank you!" squealed Ghost as she handed over two bags to Psyche Out. She turned towards Billy & Storm Shadow, holding the plate out. "You've been unusually quiet, Storm."

"I'm just as surprised as everyone else that you're in here and no, thank you."

"When has surprise ever tied your tongue?" asked Ghost. "Billy?"

Billy reached out to take one, but then jerked back at Storm Shadow's glance.

"What's the problem?" she asked.

"He doesn't need that sugar laden crap," replied Storm Shadow.

"Excuse me!? Did you just diss my aunt's cookies? Cookies, you haven't ever tried?"

"Time to go," said Flint.

"Yup," agreed Beachhead and Doc.

"Diss... You've been hanging out with Salt too much."

"_Tomisaburo Arashikage_"

Storm Shadow flinched. "Surely your clan didn't raise you to eat such unhealthy mmphh-"

He was suddenly interrupted as Ghost stuffed a cookie into his mouth. Hawk and the others were on their way out and turned around to see Storm Shadow with the cookie in his mouth. Snake Eye's shoulders started shaking as he began to laugh.

"My aunt always said, 'Of all the things most likely to kill a ninja, a cookie isn't one of them.' Since your sensei is too busy to object, Billy, have one and take a bag as well."

"_Billy,_" Storm Shadow warned as he took the cookie out.

"Shut up and let the kid have his cookies. You're busy eating yours."

"I don't need-"

"_Shut up and eat your cookie._"

"Bu-"

"_Tomisaburo._"

Storm Shadow flinched again and then took a bite. And another. He finished off the cookie before he said anything. "It _was_ really good, but-"

"But?" Ghost said warningly.

"You're going to give the base a sugar high they didn't need," Storm Shadow lectured.

"Oh, stuff it," Ghost said, rolling her eyes.

"Can I get a bag?" Storm Shadow asked with a smirk.

Everyone stared.

"Of course." Ghost smiled as she gave Storm Shadow three. Everyone went bug-eyed as he took them.

"The hell? Why does he get three?" said Beachhead.

"Perks of being my favorite ninja? Because I have three left? Just because?" Ghost answered.

"That's-"

"I'm going to get some rest." Ghost went back into the kitchen and then disappeared.

* * *

"So then, she shoved a cookie into his mouth! Fucking crazy ass woman," said Clutch. "I'll raise you ten."

"What's crazier is that he even ate it," said Shipwreck.

"That's not even all of it! Flint said he asked for a bag of them. He ended up with three. THREE," replied Clutch.

"So who's the lucky bastard that won the bet for getting Storm Shadow to eat something unhealthy, Ace?" asked Salt as he put in his ten.

"Hmmm, Spirit. Three thousand and twenty-six dollars," responded Ace.

"Holy Shit. How'd the pot get so high?"

"It's been there a long time and its Storm Shadow. The bets on the ninjas go sky-high," replied Ace.

"Lucky bastards," muttered Clutch.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** This is my first fan fiction, so I do appreciate constructive criticism. I would also like to thank Kusari-Gama 61602, Karama9, & Lady Jaye1 for encouraging me to keep writing & to finish it.

This story is based off of Karama9's health nut Storm Shadow & was inspired by CrystalOfEllinon's 'Give a Ninja a Drink'.


	2. Aftermath

******Disclaimer: I don't own GI Joe and make no profits from this. Just a bit of fun!**

* * *

Lowlight came out of the motor pool and saw a few Joes watching the PT course from a distance. It looked busier then he had ever seen it. He walked up and stopped just to

the right of Spirit.

"Welcome back, Lowlight. Did your mission go well?" asked Spirit.

"As well as expected," said Lowlight. "Why are there three PT instructors running around? Is there something wrong with Beach?"

"No. Ghost woke up yesterday and was released from the infirmary. She was supposed to go rest, but went to the kitchen instead. She caused a riot with cookies."

"A ... riot. For cookies?" Lowlight asked incredulously.

"Yes, they were delicious. Even Freedom thought so."

"You fed a cookie to an eagle."

"I let him have a nibble, he was curious."

"So," Lowlight shifted. "_Why_ are there three instructors?"

"Beachhead threatened the rioters with push ups until arms fell off and was ignored."

"Seriously? Who's that stupid?"

"Hawk had to come down himself."

"Ouch."

"No one knows who exactly was in the riot, so Beachhead has decided everyone who was here yesterday is guilty, with a few exceptions."

"So that's why he's over there with the grass kissers."

"Yes."

"Were they worth it? I assume you already did yours and Lifeline or Doc reattached your arms."

"They are both quite busy today, but I have not seen them. I had an alibi." He crossed his arms.

Lowlight snorted. "I'm sure everyone has one. How did you get out of it?"

"Law, Order, Junkyard, and Mutt were in the kennels with me."

Lowlight chuckled. "Niiicce. So why is Sgt. Slaughter running Storm Shadow's ass off on the track instead of running the obstacle course?"

"The official reason is he was insubordinate to Beachhead."

"Like that is anything new. Seriously, when isn't Storm Shadow pissing Beachhead off? The unofficial reason?"

"Rumor has it that Beachhead is mad Storm Shadow got three bags of cookies and he only got one."

"Wait, what?"

"Storm Shadow got three bags of cookies-"

"Storm Shadow... Cookies? Are we talking about the same person here? The 'My food is holier then thou because it's not full of crap' Storm Shadow?"

"Yes."

"... Are we sure its Storm Shadow and not Zartan or someone else?"

"Hawk thought of that. Had Order and Junkyard check him out and Doc run a blood test after they watched him eat one and then ask for a bag."

"HE DID WHAT?" Lowlight shouted. The other Joes looked over at him. "Damn, who won the bet?"

"I did," Spirit smiled.

"Lucky sonova-"

"So I have been told," Spirit interrupted.

"Alright, so that leaves Stalker to run the obstacle course."

"Pretty much."

"Three bags. What the hell is he going to do with three bags?" Lowlight muttered.

Spirit glanced over. "Ninja."

"So?"

"How much do you want to bet _at least_ two of those bags will go for bribery?"

"Good point. I wonder what I need to do to get some?"

"Go to the source. Good luck, though. I heard she gave him the last three bags."

"Hell, I have the shitiest luck sometimes," Lowlight said as he stalked off.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Cookie Madness was a one shot, but it was suggested that Beachhead shouldn't be ignored. I do agree with that, but couldn't fit it in there any way that I

liked. Thus, the aftermath was born.


End file.
